Just incase you haven't switched over.....
http://negroontheveranda.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/i-remember-santa-and-i-still-believe/

Judgment: My spiritual gift; or the 10 commandment of holiday cheer.

http://negroontheveranda.wordpress.com/2011/11/26/judgment-my-spiritual-gift-or-the-10-commandments-of-holiday-cheer/

The tale of the junior league chirstmas card lady

http://negroontheveranda.wordpress.com/2011/11/25/the-tale-of-the-junior-league-christmas-card-lady/

Happy Thanksgiving Charlie Brown

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about why, at thirty, I still love the holidays.  This person unintentionally decided they wanted to point out every reason why I should hate the holidays, and view its approach with all the dread and fear I could muster. The conversation, albeit one sided, went something like this:

       “Isiah why in the name of God do you love the holidays?  I mean seriously, you are single, the majority of your friends are married, you don’t have children, your car is always breaking down, you battle with the your weight, you go to these functions where you are the only single guy and everyone tries to marry you off to these losers.”  

My response was simple: “Well… Damn.” I thought to myself… Maybe he is right…maybe I should hate the holidays. Maybe I should find a fallout shelter and stay there till MLK day!! Then again… Valentine ’s Day would then be right around the corner, and then where will I go. Obviously my life is a mess, and JESUS just needs to TAKE THE WHEEL!  He kept going on for a minute or two, and I had the desire to tell him where he could get off; but then I realized that this conversation wasn’t about me. We were both 30, single, no prospects in the near future, owned old(er) cars, needed to lose about 50-60 pounds ( yea I said it, be grateful I don’t name you),  with the season of love and weight gain staring us down   like a redneck dad’s shotgun when he learned his little daughter has been knocked up.   I interrupted his diatribe and said, “ I don’t feel that way, I don’t know why I don’t… but I don’t… and I will have an answer as to why tomorrow on my blog.”

So here you go, the answer to happiness during the holidays: Charlie Brown. There is a lot you can learn from Charlie Brown.  For years, I have read the comic strip, watched the movies, and cooked to the holiday specials. It doesn’t matter if it is the Great Pumpkin, The Easter Bunny, or as is the case this Thursday It’s Thanksgiving Charlie Brown (on ABC @ 8:00pm).  The young man locked forever in 3^rd grade with all the insecurities, questions and mishaps speak eternally the human experience.  It gives us some rules to live by, and I want to share my rules with you.

1.       Sometimes you are not going to kick that ball, doesn’t mean you stop trying.  One day you will. Persistence always wins.

2.       When in doubt… talk it out.  Whether it is to a dog, bird, or a guy with an unhealthy attachment to a blanket.  Verbalizing helps.

3.       Listen.  Even Lucy took time out of her life to help others.

4.       Have friends that care.  They might make an unintentional misstep, but it is ok.  ALL will work out in the end.

5.       It’s what you think of yourself that matters most.  

To my friend-

So yes, I go on these crazy dates… because even though I know “Lucy” is going to yank that ball from under me …one time she may not . One time I might kick the ball straight to the little red haired girl and then it’s on me.   I have friends that care, (even you in your odd way), we listen to each other, and we help each other through tough times. You would be surprised to know how rare that is.  Someone once told me that if you have 5 good friends in your lifetime you were doing well and better than most.  And as for what I think of myself… I think that I am loved more than I am capable of loving, given more than what I am capable of returning, and blessed more than I deserve.  You asked me, “Why in the name of God do you love the holidays?”  Buddy, I think you answered your own question.  Is there a sound sweeter to the ear, or a thought more fulfilling, or a reason to be more grateful than the simple name of God? I love the holidays because it serves as my reminder to give thanks to God for all the things I have, and I forget about other things I might want.  I share that reminder with you, and to others that might be in the same place and I say with love “Happy Thanksgiving Charlie Brown ;o).”

Dennis the Menace and the Mutilated Shrub

Someone recently told me that they just discovered my wordpress... SERIOUSLY... you are missing some good stuff... but... here you go the most recent one. Go and check my other page out and like it also check out my facebook page and like it to keep updated... Grandmother! there's a negro on the veranda... Like the page!!! http://negroontheveranda.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/dennis-the-menace-and-the-mutilated-shrub/

Ok,  I know  a few of my readers  are too young to remember a comic strip, a cartoon, or a television show  called Dennis the Menace ( I saw it in syndication during Nick at Night in the 80s and 90s).  It was about a neighborhood boy that always managed to find ways to get himself into trouble, most often than not doing something to and or with his neighbor “MR. WILLLLLLLLLSOOOON!”  I added the extra letters for those of you who remember that iconic call from the neighborhood boy.  Dennis of course was a child whose curisoty and his well-meaning attempts to help always found him in some kind of shinangin.   Well Dennis the Meance has grown up, is 14, and my new neighbor.

In the past six months, my street in the neighborhood has changed.  Military families have moved in and out, I have seen retirement parties culminate by putting the house for sale and moving to Florida, and a new population of youth and vitality is forcing everyone to keep themselves alert.  In a way, it is very similar to the way I grew up on base.  However, I digress. 

My new neighbor, for the purposes of this story we will call Dennis, asked me to mow my yard ( how classically American), and because I had other things to do I said yes and gave him 20 bucks. Harmless enough, right?  Well imagine my surprise when I came home from work to see one of my hedges “trimmed” beyond recognition.   At first, I thought one of my former students was trying to play some kind of joke on me, but then Dennis came out and fessed up.  He was trying to make the 20 dollars’ worth it, by trimming my hedge.  The only problem with that was the shrub was bigger than him, and he never trimmed a shrub before.   I should have known it wasn’t done by vandals when I looked around and saw that, for the most part, the mutilated remains of the shrub lied at the curb in a reasonably neat pile ready for pickup. I had to ask him, “what… the…hell” and his response to my question was “Please don’t tell my dad.  He’ll think I’m a dumbass.”   I did the only thing I could do: Laugh and laugh hard. After I finished laughing I told him to pick up the poor limbs of the bush that lay scattered around my yard before church on Wednesday and sent him back to his home.

I told this story to some friends and they wondered why I wasn’t mad.  As I reflect on the situation it is simple: Dennis has a work ethic and a value for a dollar bill. Not only that, when it was time to fess up he owned his mistakes. Dennis didn’t lie or try to blame it on somebody else;  he came out there by himself to accept whatever the punishment maybe like a man.  I got to see that true American Values are still being taught and passed on.  Work Hard, Be truthful, and stay honest, and that in this climate and generation was very refreshing. 

So to Dennis:  You’re a good kid.  Honest and hardworking.  So, as long as your father doesn’t ask me what happened to the bush, I won’t tell him. But remember the next time you want to go ham on some shrubs go into the backyard!  Have at it: if you go missing we will send someone in after you.  And I am sure this is only the first of many tales to come. After all, you are a red-blooded American boy. We’ve all been there.  Welcome to the Neighborhood.

MORE NEGRO!!! LAUNCH!!

Hey you guys!!! This past week has been ridiculous ( in a good way) I had 3 different people ask me about my blog wanting to link it to different places... etc.  So in order to aid that new market and start the Veranda RENAISSANCE! I have started a wordpress site!!!  So here is the deal

1. The wordpress site has fashion, food, faith, and general negro-ness
2. I am still keeping the blog spot for my "unedited" rants ( think of this site like the unreleased DVD edition)
3. You will get more in the About me section.
4. I am in the working with certain people to try to get discounts for my readers for certain online retailers (wordpress).
5.  JOIN BOTH SITES so you don't miss anything!!!! After a certain number I am going to close this one off to my original readers. There is something special about being on the ground floor!!

And here you go!!! http://negroontheveranda.wordpress.com/

The Three Dresses

(Names have been changed to protect the delightful)

So I love southern ladies, to be more specific mature southern ladies who reminisce fondly on yesteryear.  I have been privileged that in the last three places I’ve lived there has been such a gem as a neighbor.   What is most delightful is that they are all from different parts of south and bring their own southern flare to their stories. There was Ms. Florence from Baton Rouge who had a delightful Louisiana accent and was a former Debutante. She lived in my apartment complex, and gave me the most lovely house warming gift when I moved…Waterford…I used to watch her cat while when she went back home to visit her grandchildren. Then there was Ms. Mary Kathryn who actually lived down the street from me. She was runner up for Miss Alabama in 19??. Then there was Ms. Beverly who was  a former singer here in Georgia , who introduced herself to me during squirrel-gate ( she thought I was killing the squirrels with some poison she “saw” me lay down… It was grass fertilizer-God bless her heart).  What I find funny is that none of these delightfully witty ladies would ever allow me to call them Mrs. (insert last name)… they told me that was their mother-in-law and they were dead and they no desire to neither visit them nor take their title in the near future. What else can you say to that but yes ma’am, even though they were all in the “icing years” as a my grandmother would say ( three scores plus ten… the rest is just icing).  Which is weird because in the African American culture, and some places in the south, it’s  Mr.  and Mrs.  if they are 5 minutes older than you.  But I digress.

A few months back it was prom season, and I was out mowing my grass when my neighbor, the singer came out for a conversation (the squirrels were still absent).   “It is prom season!” she acclaimed, and as a school teacher I was well aware of Prom season and knew it primarily because it fell on my birthday weekend and I had to chaperone (TRAGIC).  Since obviously, to her horror, I did not show the appropriate amount of excitement she then told me the story of the three dresses. It goes something like this:

Now Isaiah, I know you are a man but EVERYONE knows that there are three important dresses in every pretty southern ladies life.  You need to know this incase you have daughters.

Oh?  I said knowing that this was going to lead into one of the stories that I love so much. “But what if they are less than attractive?”

Less than attractive? (Gasp of Horror)  Well in reference to a southern lady there is no such thing! Why even saying pretty southern lady is redundant, we only say it to distinguish the Yankee transplants without being rude.  But as I was saying, there are three important dresses and they actually build on one another. There is your prom dress your first real gown, its important because it is the first time a southern lady should look like a real princess ( if you discount all religious occasions).  Then you build on that with your debutante dress.  The key is to be stunning and not have it look like a wedding dress… because people will talk, and then the only other time you are in a white dress: You’re wedding.  Where if you don’t look like royalty you have failed. 

I couldn’t help but bait her some more, “well what if they don’t get married?”

 In that case, let’s just hope the first two dresses were really pretty.  Well enjoy your day.

With that she went to check her mail, and walked back inside her home.  I promptly went inside died laughing then I made a mint julep.